By Fen Hampson

October 30, 2025

Restraint is central to the art of diplomacy. Diplomats are supposed to manage disputes, not inflame them by trading personal insults or creating a public spectacle. By that standard, the reported behaviour of U.S. Ambassador Pete Hoekstra toward Ontario’s representative in Washington, David Paterson, this week was not simply undiplomatic; it was conduct unbecoming an emissary of a supposedly friendly nation.

According to multiple reports, Ambassador Hoekstra berated Paterson during — ironically enough, the Canadian American Business Council’s state of the relationship event at the elegant National Gallery of Canada — using profane language, including the F-word, to express his (and his boss’s) displeasure over the province’s televised advertising campaign, which used snippets of a speech by President Ronald Reagan to promote the virtues of free trade.

Even in trying times, Hoekstra’s language was far outside the norms of professional conduct expected of a representative of the world’s most powerful nation and a neighbour with which our country has hitherto enjoyed deep, cordial and productive relations. To be blunt, it was an exercise in intimidation, not advocacy.

The relationship between Canada and the United States rests on mutual respect. Governments and their leaders will invariably have disagreements over foreign policy, trade, security, and other issues. But it has also been a cardinal rule, at least up until now, that longstanding allies do not allow disagreement to descend into discord or personal invective.

Dialogue must always be civil and professional even when there are profound differences of viewpoint. When an ambassador strays from the basic standards of civility and good manners, it corrodes the foundational trust of a relationship. When he does it in public, it qualifies as an international incident.

What makes Hoekstra’s behaviour particularly troubling is not just his use of profane language, but the attitude it reflects—the sense that he is speaking down to Canadians and their representatives as though Canada is somehow a colonial outpost and he the imperial Proconsul. So much for being a trusted partner in what has historically been one of the world’s closest bilateral relationships.

President Trump has repeatedly expressed irritation with Canada’s intransigence at the negotiating table. He is clearly frustrated that Canada has not caved to his demands. But Canada is not a client state. Ottawa and the provinces have every right to promote and defend their economic interests abroad. Our political leaders are accountable to Canadian voters, not to foreign envoys.

In normal circumstances, an outburst of this kind would raise questions about whether the individual is fit to remain the accredited representative of his country in Canada.

Mr. Hoekstra may have been instructed by his boss to play hardball, which he has done more than once. However, the role of a diplomat is to navigate political tensions with skill and decorum, not exacerbate them with his own hostile words and barely concealed contempt and scorn.

That is why Ambassador Hoekstra’s uncalled-for outburst requires a clear and visible response. Premier Doug Ford has encouraged Ambassador Hoekstra to apologize directly to Ontario’s envoy. That should have already happened.

Instead, the Government of Canada should summon Hoekstra to a meeting with our senior officials at Global Affairs and formally register its disapproval. A diplomatic reprimand is not only justified, it is necessary to signal that Canada will not look kindly on overt disrespect toward its officials, regardless of whether they serve Ottawa or the provinces. Allowing the matter to pass without comment will set a terrible precedent and simply encourage further breaches of protocol.

In normal circumstances, an outburst of this kind would raise questions about whether the individual is fit to remain the accredited representative of his country in Canada. It might even involve revoking or temporarily suspending an ambassador’s credentials, depending on the gravity of the offense. But these are not ordinary times.

Our bilateral relations are already under enormous strain over tariffs, border security, and broader economic and security cooperation. Escalating the dispute with punitive action would clearly do more harm than good. Canada’s response, therefore, should be direct but restrained — firm enough to assert the principle of mutual respect but measured enough to keep the broader relationship intact. In other words, our response should be as Canadian as called for, while reflecting the esteem for the longstanding relationship that was absent in the offence.

What this episode clearly illustrates is how much diplomacy relies on tone and proper form as well as substance. Ambassadors are not merely agents of their government; they are custodians of their country’s reputation. Their behaviour and deportment shape perceptions of how their government is viewed in the country where they are accredited. When an envoy abandons civility and basic professional courtesy, it diminishes not just his own standing but the standing of the country he represents.

For Canadians, this moment serves as a reminder why professionalism and restraint matter so much in dealing with our most powerful neighbour. Canada’s diplomatic tradition, which is rooted in tact, unfailing politeness and quiet persuasion, may lack flair and bravado, but it has earned this country enormous respect on the international stage.

In the end, the measure of a mature relationship lies in the ability of diplomatic envoys and their leaders to speak candidly without losing composure. Ambassador Hoekstra failed that test. Canada should not mirror his incivility, but neither should it let his rude and intemperate outburst pass in silence.

Diplomacy cannot function on the basis of intimidation or invective. It can only function on a solid foundation of respect, decorum, and the understanding that even the most trusted and loyal allies must treat one another as equals.

Policy Contributing Writer Fen Osler Hampson is a chancellor’s professor at Carleton University and co-chair of the Expert Group on Canada-U.S. Relations.